Friday, 13 September 2013


The other day, I think it was a teacher, mentioned that they've 'read my blog'. My heart sank. That self-indulgent, aimless, embarrassing piece of shite? I don't know why I haven't deleted it off the face off the internet.

So what have I written about on this blog? Some strangely dark whingings about Christmas ending (looking back I sound nearly suicidal; I promise I wasn't planning to hang myself with some tinsel). A couple of half assed TV reviews, one of which, for 'Derek', I actually bothered sending to Gervais through Twitter. As if he'd actually have read it, and go 'Yes Elliott, I agree with all the points you made, both the positive and constructive, and plan to take them on board for the second series. By the way God doesn't exist and here's a photo of me in the bath.' What else? Moaning about my Cambridge essay not getting anywhere. Looking back on it, I'm not surprised. It wasn't that bad, albeit quite convoluted, poorly researched and referenced. I've written one since (ironically for a lower-ranked insitution, not that I'm too bothered about that sort of thing. I refuse to step foot inside an ex-poly, though) and it was much better; that is, it actually made sense.

What else? Some crappy poetry, some more moaning. The only thing I'm slightly proud of is that short film I did, which currently stands at 9 likes to 14 dislikes, and NEARLY 500 VIEWS. At first I was appalled at the fact that 14 people would actually go out of their way to express their dislike for me, but upon reflection, they say that great art splits opinion. And it's surprising really that that many people actually got it, or at least realised I wasn't actually like that. I highly doubt anyone grasped the true meaning of it, but then again, I don't think I did either. I'm willing to bet those 14 people also think Keith Lemon is a real person, or think that The Big Bang Theory* is funny.

 So where the hell was I? Right, that really this little corner of the internet has gone to complete ruin, and was probably never good in the first place. So instead of hoping people forget about it, I've decided to redeem the blog, and consequently myself, if we're being dramatic about it. And by redeem I basically just mean post on it a bit more and try to make it slightly less shit. After all, as much as I love twitter, sometimes I do want to go on a tangent. And that's it really.

What's been happening with me? Got me results. AABB. Ignore what I prattled on about in my last post, I'm actually really proud of them. And why this sudden change of heart? Partly because since I've realised that your AS-levels don't exactly have to match your final A level grades (I could still even get A*A*A , so I can still apply with a decent chance at all my chosen universities. Secondly, I remember searching for 'AABB' on Twitter out of boredom on results day, only to discover a good few people moaning about the fact that they 'only' got AABB; I believe one twat said 'meh'. Meh? What the fuck is wrong with you? Those are great grades which will allow you to apply anywhere, with the possible exception of Oxbridge (my overall UMS average was actually higher than what those grades suggests, you see, so I'm still applying to Cambridge), and you're whinging that you didn't get four As? You're worse than me!

Hence, I made a conscious effort to be satisfied with my grades, just to distance myself from these people. And I haven't even covered the fact that grades have no bearing on your self-worth, nor do they really have much of your bearing on your actual intelligence. As much as I like doing fairly well academically, I think it's far more important to demonstrate your intelligence, which is impossible to objectify through marks or grades anyway, to express an opinion, or make someone laugh, or make someone consider different possibilities. I can't abide these arseholes who I see on The Student Room messageboards (a website I only frequent to check a few facts and ask the occasional question, I promise) who get four As at AS level and then ask incessantly whether they're good enough to get into Oxbridge because their UMS average is only 98%, wah wah wah. All these people need to do is check the website, see if they exceed the minimum entry requirements, apply and just hope for an interview; and if they get it, just give it their best, because that's the most anyone can ever ask of you. It's times like this where I think the rise of the phrase '110%' has really damaged our perceptions; it intrinsically implies that we must attain impossibly (and literally impossibly) high expectations for ourselves, exceeding the maximum we're capable of. Of course that maximum can change with experience and confidence, but to exceed your maximum is illogical; and with all illogical things, such as religion and celebrating armed force, it really isn't healthy for anyone.

So that's me done. What else? Obligatory references to the Miley Cyrus incident? Hur hur twerking hur hur. Idiots.


*Interestingly I have watched pretty much every episode of this. Why? A kind of morbid, self-turtuous fascination, in addition to familial obligation. It kind of annoys me when people say TV shows are shit when they haven't even watched one episode. Well, I've watched every episode, and I can safely say it is shit.